New phase

Did you remember those days back then 

when you wondering about today?

Looking through the pictures with doubt.

But you kept on striving, though.

But hey, take a deep breath and look around.

You are living your dream now.

Sitting in the best seat,

in the best room. 

It will never be easy.

But it indeed is worth fighting for

Welcome to the new battlefield.

Under the shadow of the Almighty,

you will survive

and you will thrive.

Jakarta, January 23rd, 2022

Tya - the girl who pinches her arm every other day.

underneath the tree of life

If the horizon speaks Your works

Would it tells me

Why Your word exploded at the very beginning

And brought the universe into existence?

If the days teach Your knowledge,

And the nights reveal Your truth,

Would they tell me

The reason for the creation?

If You already know all the suffering,

the heartbreaks, the tears, and the cross.

Why You chose the pain

and made us, anyway?

So I know how it felt to be you

Kupang, 26 Oktober 2021

====================================

Fast forward to 2025. Finally found the why. 

So eternity will taste a million times sweeter

Jakarta, August 2nd 2025

As a reminder to those bad days...

 This one song. On repeat. On the way home. On those darkest days.

What if my greatest disappointments,

Or the aching of this life,

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy?

What if trials of this life,

The rains, the storms, the hardest nights,

Are YOUR mercies in disguise?

Immortal

Will it be boring,

in the eternity with You?

Will we fall again,

like the first man did to You?

Or have we finished with ourselves,

And rejoice in the afterlife with You? 

Ode to the bad days

I know they do it because of dr. Hery Sp.JP,
but hey, I wrote that paper, I'm the et al :")
oh gini rasanya dapat pengakuan nasional.

Just like a 1000000-pieces puzzle
There were dark, ambiguous pieces
With bizarre pattern
The ones we wish to perish

It seems unimportant
but a puzzle won't be complete without it

Ode to the bad days
The days when everything were scattered and thrown away
The dreams, hard works, hope, and expectation
Gone with the wind

Remember, just like the past,

these bad days too wont last forever.

My feet are planted on this ROCK
And I will not be shaken
My hope it comes from YOU alone
My YAH and my salvation

Kupang, 12 Juli 2020

Its getting closer

“Every commandment which I command you today you must be careful to observe, that you may live and multiply, and go in and possess the land of which the Lord swore to your fathers. And you shall remember that the Lord your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord . Your garments did not wear out on you, nor did your foot swell these forty years. You should know in your heart that as a man chastens his son, so the Lord your God chastens you. “Therefore you shall keep the commandments of the Lord your God, to walk in His ways and to fear Him. For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, that flow out of valleys and hills; a land of wheat and barley, of vines and fig trees and pomegranates, a land of olive oil and honey; a land in which you will eat bread without scarcity, in which you will lack nothing; a land whose stones are iron and out of whose hills you can dig copper. When you have eaten and are full, then you shall bless the Lord your God for the good land which He has given you. “Beware that you do not forget the Lord your God by not keeping His commandments, His judgments, and His statutes which I command you today, lest— when you have eaten and are full, and have built beautiful houses and dwell in them; and when your herds and your flocks multiply, and your silver and your gold are multiplied, and all that you have is multiplied; when your heart is lifted up, and you forget the Lord your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage; who led you through that great and terrible wilderness, in which were fiery serpents and scorpions and thirsty land where there was no water; who brought water for you out of the flinty rock; who fed you in the wilderness with manna, which your fathers did not know, that He might humble you and that He might test you, to do you good in the end— then you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gained me this wealth.’ “And you shall remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gives you power to get wealth, that He may establish His covenant which He swore to your fathers, as it is this day. Then it shall be, if you by any means forget the Lord your God, and follow other gods, and serve them and worship them, I testify against you this day that you shall surely perish. As the nations which the Lord destroys before you, so you shall perish, because you would not be obedient to the voice of the Lord your God. 

(Deuteronomy 8)

Its getting closer.

But are you ready?

Once in the eternity

You know,
we've met once.
Once,
a long time ago.

We've met once.
Once,
in the eternity.

Patah hati

Tahu apa kamu soal patah hati?
Tidak tahukah kamu, kalau Aku sudah merasakan patah hati
sejak kamu masih Aku rancangkan dalam hatiKu,
jauh sebelum alam semesta terbentuk?

❤

Beberapa tahun terakhir lagi obssessed banget sama lagu-lagunya mbak Tori Kelly. Terakhir obses kayak gini jaman SMA dan awal kuliah, waktu itu sukanya sama mbak Taylor Swift. Tapi beberapa album terakhir aku merasa aku dan mbak Tay udah beda aliran.
Terus nemu Tori Kelly. Aduh adem banget suaranyaa, tipe suara impian Tya. Lagu-lagunya related banget sama aku, mau yang lama atau yang baru. Terus yang seru lagi, dia ngeluarin gospel album baru-baru ini. Gimana ga tambah cintaaa. Ini nih one of my favorite, Just As Sure :)

Terus Switchfoot juga baru ngeluarin album baruu. Ahh so happyyy. Walopun enggak semua lagu di album aku suka. Tapi tetap aja seneng nemu lagu baru yang bagus. Ini salah satu yang favorit, Prodigal Soul (tapi ini bukan official video, kalo tiba-tiba gabisa kebuka pasti udah dihapus)

My all time favorite song

I've let go the need to know why,

For You know better than i

Buka Hati

Lagi sukaaaa banget dengerin lagunya Yura Yunita yang judulnya Buka Hati. Lagunya memang lagu orang yang cintanya bertepuk sebelah tangan (Tya felt so related)

Tapi, coba dibayangkan kalo yang nyanyi itu Bapa. CintaNya Bapa juga sering bertepuk sebelah tangan. Bapa sedih ngeliat kita cinta dengan hal-hal lain. Ngutip kata-katanya om Jon Foreman waktu nyanyi I Won't Let You Go, 'i tried to sing this song from the other side, from the inside of the love'

Duhai Diri,

Ubahlah arusMu jadi arah

Yang dia sukai

Rendahkanlah hatiMu

Bukankah Bapa yang sudah merendahkan diri untuk kita? Tuhan yang Maha Dahsyat merendahkan diri dan jadi manusia. Belum cukup segitu, masih juga mati diatas kayu salib dan menanggung kutuk karena kita. Ini terjadi bahkan sebelum kita tau kita salah, sebelum kita sadar kita berdosa.

Duhai alam

Hujani dia dengan cinta

Dan hatinya yang terbuka

Aku menyayanginya

Berkat Tuhan mana yang kamu dustakan? Keluarga lengkap, kesehatan, damai sejahtera, semua kebutuhan tercukupi, dan masih banyak lagi.

Dan terbukalah hatimu

Ada jalan untukKu

Milikimu, sayangimu

Dan terbukalah hatimu

Ada jalan untukKu

Milikimu, sayangimu

Biar reda hatiKu

Aku punya kasih yang

Lama Kuramu untuk

Kamu

<3

Bukankah roh yang ada di dalam kita diinginiNya dengan cemburu?
So now He's knocking at your front door
Will you open the door for Him?

Irony

23

23.
I wish things will change as i expected.
But dreams keep being dreams,
at 23.

Another 5 years, maybe?

Mezbah dan Pohon

Pada suatu hari,
Tumbuh satu tunas kecil di samping mezbah.
Wow lucunya, aku siram ya biar kamu tidak kehausan.
Hei, tanaman yang tumbuh disekitar mezbah harusnya kamu cabut.
Ah, tapi ini lucu sekali, Bapa. Lihat betapa mungilnya daun itu. Dan batangnya yang hijau dan segar.
Apa sih salahnya kalau dia tumbuh?

Lama kelamaan tunas bertumbuh menjadi pohon kecil di samping mezbah.
Sesekali batangnya tertiup angin dan menyentuh mezbah.
Hei, sampai kapan kamu biarkan pohon itu tumbuh di sini?
Ah Bapa, iya aku mengerti.
Batang yang menyentuh mezbah itu akan aku potong.
Tapi seharusnya pohon itu kau cabut..

Beberapa bulan kemudian
Tunas tersebut sudah menjadi pohon yang besar.
Kokoh dan rindang.
Dan menudungi mezbah.
Mengapa harus ditebang? Mengapa aku tidak boleh menyiraminya lagi?
Bukankah pohon ini baik, bisa mencegah pemanasan global?
(Alasan bodoh, ya aku tahu)

Pohon itu sudah seharusnya dicabut sampai ke akar-akarnya.
Jadi kapan mau pohon itu kau tebang?
Kapan mau berhenti menyirami pohon itu?

Hm.
Me too annoyed with my own self.

Song of the broken

I broke the rule
Messing my own self
Playing with the comfort zone,
Slipped and drowned then.

Integrity is the song
My heart keeps on singing
But at the intersection
I chose the wrong turn.

If only confessions and prayers can heal
Here i am,
A sinful and a liar
With a hope to be healed.

If You are close to the broken hearted
Here i am,
I bring these scatters
With a hope to be healed.

Selah

My remedy,
You are my remedy,
The Lord of the universe is my shepherd
Be still and be healed, my soul.

Malang, December 14th 2016

Selah

Sekarang masih belum waktunya tidur.
Seberapapun kerasnya kamu berusaha untuk tidur, kamu tidak akan bisa tidur nyenyak.
Karena sekarang masih waktu bekerja.

Lihat, betapa banyaknya hal yang harus kamu kerjakan.
Semuanya sudah berbaris di hadapanmu.
Sudah ada di telapak tanganmu.
Menanti untuk diselesaikan.

Kamu akan tidur. Tapi nanti.
Sekarang kerja dulu ya.

Selah
Malang, 4 Desember 2016